By César Gauna 
Almost everyone has been there at some point.
You like someone.
You get your hopes up.
And then suddenly, that person shows up with someone else who seems to have it all: confidence, charisma, attractiveness, popularity.
The classic “why him and not me?”
That moment hurts. A lot.
But what happens next is not set in stone.
The hit doesn’t define you — what you do with it does
The first reaction is usually the same for everyone:
- frustration
- quiet anger
- comparison
- the feeling of “I’m not enough”
So far, that’s normal.
The difference comes after.
Some people get stuck in that anger and start repeating a story:
“I always lose”
“The world only rewards certain types”
“I’ll never fit in”
Others, with time and reflection, do something different:
“This hurt… but maybe I can learn something from it”
That’s where the paths split.
When failure turns into a club
Online (and offline), there are groups built around shared frustration. People who feel rejected, invisible, or left out of the game, coming together to validate each other.
It can feel tempting:
- no pressure to change
- no one making you uncomfortable with their progress
- everyone agrees that “it’s not your fault”
The problem is that this emotional comfort comes at a cost.
When you only surround yourself with people who feel just as stuck as you do, you don’t grow —
you just keep spinning in the same place.
Why “winners” get so much hate
The confident, social, attractive guy isn’t annoying because he’s bad.
He’s annoying because he’s uncomfortable.
His existence alone raises a hard question:
“If he can… why can’t I?”
And that question is scary.
It’s easier to dismiss, mock, or resent than to accept that maybe:
- some skills can be learned
- some attitudes can be worked on
- some versions of yourself just haven’t shown up yet
The real shift: from envy to learning
Some people manage something rare:
they stop seeing others as enemies and start seeing them as references.
Not to copy them.
Not to obsessively compete.
But to understand what they do differently.
That internal shift changes everything:
- attitude
- body language
- the way you speak
- social energy
And almost without noticing, growth begins.
In their own way.
Change doesn’t take years — starting does
Many people think evolving takes decades.
In reality, what often takes years is daring to begin.
Once someone lets go of resentment, progress usually comes fast:
- more confidence
- better connections with others
- less comparison
- more authenticity
It’s not magic.
It’s stopping the fight with the world and starting to work on yourself.
To close
Not everyone will be extroverted.
Not everyone wants to be popular.
And that’s okay.
But everyone gets to choose between two paths:
- staying in shared resentment
- or walking through the discomfort that transforms
The first one soothes.
The second one builds.
And if you’re reading this, chances are you’re still in time to choose.